(Various Twitter posts today. Getting me to wax philosophical on little or no sleep is a dangerous thing… also, you find wisdom and inspiration in the oddest places.)

Agreed. Don’t be insecure. RT @IreneBastards: “Dude, you got her. She’s YOURS. So step up, treat her right or she won’t be yours for long.” (#)

Also, listen to what she is trying to say, not what she said. It’s the difference between winning her heart, or winding up in the “friend zone”. Nice Guys always make the mistake of thinking men and women think alike. They don’t. Put down the silly Cosmo mags and be the Man she dreams of. (#)

Behind every Player, is someone who got their heart broken really bad… yet, didn’t learn the lesson life was teaching. (#)

Women are a lot like Sports Illustrated.

I find I have to ignore a year’s worth of crappy issues just for a glimpse of them in a swimsuit.

Jeez am I *THAT* obvious?

RT @jane_bot: Cute how men who bump up against you in a crowd will direct their “Excuse me” to your ass.

I think it’s insulting for a pretty woman to think us guys talking to them online means we only want pu**y.

Sometimes we’re just looking for blowjobs.

…Buying an airline for the free peanuts.

Either all my ex-girlfriends are more skilled at stalking than I am, or NONE of them ever bothered to look me up on Social Networks after all this time.

Is looking for a new job the next day.

Trying to think of how to tactfully tell my boss, Bill White, that “WHITE POWER” is probably not a good name for his new power supply company.

How sad. I hate when this happens…

From The Onion -Affair Broken Up By Other Affair:

ODESSA, TX—An extramarital affair between local claims adjuster Ken Hubrin and cocktail waitress Teri Belasco came to an abrupt end Monday when Hubrin informed his mistress that he had been cheating on her with coffee-shop manager Amanda Strauss.

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My new blonde secretary isn’t working out. Today she couldn’t find her pencil and she had a tampon in her ear.