…stop laughing because I turn my head askew like a dog when someone says or does something stupid.

I have been banned from eBay.

Apparently, a rat and a plastic tube does not constitute a Do-It-Yourself abortion kit.

I just learned that a census taker’s vision is motion-based. If you don’t move, they don’t see you hiding behind the couch.

Unfortunately this doesn’t work on Jehovah’s Witnesses, Bill Collectors, or Dog the Bounty Hunter. But when I figure that out, I will keep you posted.

… we have a surprise for the studio audience today… look under your seats… IT’S A BOMB!

From AP Top Strange News At 9:22 p.m. EDT -Man pleads guilty to DWI in motorized La-Z-Boy:

“DULUTH, Minn. (AP) — A Minnesota man has pleaded guilty to driving his motorized La-Z-Boy chair while drunk. A criminal complaint says 62-year-old Dennis LeRoy Anderson told police he left a bar in the northern Minnesota town of Proctor on his chair after drinking eight or nine beers….”

From AP Top Strange News At 4:41 p.m. EDT -SD town gets rid of 44 tons of stinking bison meat:

“BRIDGEWATER, S.D. (AP) — Behind the freezer doors at a meat plant mysteriously abandoned by its owner, the 44 tons of bison meat managed to hold its own for months, masked by the brutal chill of two South Dakota winters….”

From AP Top Strange News At 7:41 p.m. EDT -Umpire ejects entire crowd during baseball game:

“WEST BURLINGTON, Iowa (AP) — An umpire has emptied the stands at a high school baseball game, ejecting the entire crowd of more than 100 fans for being unruly….

”

From AP Top Strange News At 2:15 p.m. EDT -Deputies: Banana used as gun in holdup, then eaten:

“WINSTON-SALEM, N.C. (AP) — Authorities in North Carolina say a store owner and a patron thwarted a teen accused of trying to carry out a robbery by concealing a banana beneath his shirt to resemble a gun…

.”

From AP Top Strange News At 11:16 a.m. EDT -Mom-to-be hit by car while fleeing bear is OK:

“DENVER (AP) — A pregnant woman who was fleeing a bear when she was struck by a slow-moving car said she would honor the euthanized animal by giving her baby the middle name “Bear.”…”

LOOSE SCREWS

It’s FINALLY here!

LOOSE SCREWS is a parody of Zeitgeist and other crappy conspiracy films. Except for the part about Santa being real, I made everything else up.

• 9/11 was a publicity stunt by Santa to boost Christmas sales in 2001
• Santa sunk the Titanic posing as Capt. Smith to get famous
• He’s an Egyptian god named Sentniclausnatut
• The Bush Administration just jumped in on the 911 bandwagon because it grabbed so much attention
• Santa Claus is an agent of the Zionists and the NWO, we’re on our way to global slavery and Dylan Avery is just slightly off the mark, and Alex Jones is right!
• A secret Government site (www.noradsanta.org) PROVES his existence

Like all conspiracies, I start with a conclusion, and work my way backwards and twist and bend the evidence to support my conclusion. And of course, no conspiracy is complete without blaming the Jews for secretly controlling the world.

I’ve already gotten some heat and accused of anti-semitism because of the movie by idiots. Apparently the REAL 9/11 “Truthers”, their links to Holocaust Denial, White Supremacist groups and their accusations of “a Zionist Plot” everywhere is a-ok with them… however, cartoon Jews giving you the finger is NOT COOL and EVIL. *eyeroll* Besides, according to Encyclopedia Dramatica – The Jews really DID do the WTC.

If you hate these lame ’9/11 Twoofers’ as much as I do, send them my way, and if you see ’9/11 was an inside job’ posted somewhere, complete the sentence with ‘…AND SANTA DID IT!’

Please people, I need your LUVZ!!!!
Lotsa comments and booyahs, and I will love you forever… even if you hate me (but, why would you want to do that?).

• LOOSE SCREWS on YouTube