New Rant in SoApBoX…
Do Onto Others (Until They Know How It Feels)

I’m better now.

It seems for a while I was lost, and couldn’t see the bigger picture (I hate when I do that).

I needed a good flow of negative energy to respark my need and will to survive.

Yes. I need my hate and rage and pain. It’s what keeps me feeling for others. I need my chaos and mayhem to appreciate order. I need to see the world through the eyes of a child to tap into the magic and wonder that we seem to lose over the years. No matter how absurd it appears on the surface… I need to believe, and listen to that still, small voice inside me as my guide.

I need to believe and set my course to the largest star and follow it.

And that star is leading me the hell out where I currently live.
All I needed was a chance….

(Special thanks to ~T~, MissD, Bob, Jeanna and Lee for helping me find my way back…)

How am I?
Are you SURE you want to know?

Well the nighmares are getting worse. Much worse. I’m afraid to sleep. I take little cat naps, and I’m tired all the time. Recent events have left me questioning what’s real and who is just feeding me bullshit to get what they can out of me. I have just enough energy to put on a “happy face” for an hour or two before I have to excuse myself, and break down and cry again. Most of the time I don’t want to get off the couch to do anything.

I’ve lost that spark too. That part of inspiration that helps me to tap into my imagination and make magic. It’s gone. Like someone blew out the pilot light in me. Nothing adds up or makes sense to me anymore.

I find me back in the little world I’ve come to know as “ANARCHTICA” (Note the spelling, I’m not talking about the South Pole). It’s the place in my mind where love, hope, and forgiveness are non-existent. A world ruled by chaos and madness. A cold, desolate place where the sun’s rays are blocked by the dark clouds, and everything is in dismal shades of grey.

It’s where my darkest fears and nightmares come from.
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Most of you have heard my music here before. For those that have thought “Jesus Eric, what did you do, stick your radio in front your computer microphone???”

Well, you were right.

But now I rigged up my stereo to my computer to re-record them, with Sound Forge give them a little compression, boost and reverb… and now here they are again, plus a few other ones I never put out (One in particular to someone very special to me).

	R.I.P. Rockstar Soundtrack - Various recordings I’ve done over the years. Most of them either rough mixes in studios or done at home with MIDI and my Tascam Multitrack. All songs Copyright ©1986,1989,1990,2002,2006 Eric Brooks.
	I Need Your Lovin’ Now	MP3	(Stream)
	Athena	MP3	(Stream)
	This Love Inside	MP3	(Stream)
	Enemy Of The State (Instrumental)	MP3	(Stream)
	Lost In Time With You	MP3	(Stream)
	WHATCHUWAITIN4	MP3	(Stream)
	If I Dare (To Fall In Love)	MP3	(Stream)
	I’m Sorry (Instrumental)	MP3	(Stream)
	Late At Night	MP3	(Stream)

Plus, I’ve updated them in my RIP Rockstar miniseries. So they are no longer home-made mono pieces of crap…

They’re now home-made pieces of crap in STEREO! Enjoy!

You know I never believed in love at first sight
Until the day I first held you in my arms
Through the lightning storms I’d come to you
And I’d hold you tight
I vowed to keep you safe from any harm

And with a paper crown, you blew out your first candle
Such a lovely girl so different from the rest
And on that day I prayed you would always stay
My little princess…

I wrote that song when you were six months old, Erika. It was a rough and scary time for all of us as things were touch & go with you. A dumbass babysitter decided to give you a bath and left you in a room with a window open as your mom and I went out for dinner on a cold February night. We spent Valentine’s day in Schenider’s Children’s Hospital, after your tiny little heart and lungs were failing on you from pneumonia.
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