I was working out a complex formula.
Due to a mathematical error, the results proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that I don’t exist.

*WHEW*
I suck at math.

On a personal note, a certain unnamed caseworker has a broken leg due to a freak accident.
“Curse of the Warlock” strikes again.
*SweetLittleInnocentGrin*

Screw you guys…
I’m off with the kiddies to go to the pool and talk to Russian babes.
(And if any pictures happen to make it on the web… let me say in advance that the water was probably COLD. Yeah.)

Nothing better be happening on the web until I get back tonite.
-e-

It just came to my attention, that here in the resort, that there are at least two female exchange students from Russia that don’t want to go back.

Their plan is to land husbands… the line forms at the left.

They’re actually quite attractive, hardly any facial hair. :0)
Naw, seriously… they’re actually cuties, guys.
And no “humps & dumps”… uhm, that ploy was already tried today. ;0)

And once again I have been asked by someone in the community if I know “any available guys”. When did I suddenly become “a matchmaker”??? What is it, my uncanny ability to spot a scumbag a mile away???

Allow me to share my most prized secrets:

Tip #1: The handshake test. I don’t know how well this will work with ladies, because even I ease up on the grip with women considerably. But with guys? If I feel like I’m shaking a dead fish… you’re fucked. You are a sleazy douchebag with something to hide. A certain someone never listens to my warning about the “handshake test” with their boyfriends… and I have *never* been wrong.

Tip #2: If they are looking up, to *your left* (their right) during a difficult question…THEY’RE LYING. They are accessing the right hemisphere of their brain (the creative side) for something “good” to tell you.

Tip #3: You want me to fix you up with a hot available studmuffin (it kills me to say, there’s plenty in the Poconos… some are even better lookin’ than me. Only SOME.)…. There is a right way and a wrong way…

Crazy people have feelings too, you know. :0(

Last night, Karaoke at The Log Cabin again.
I sang “Kissing A Fool” and “Ladies Night“… again. (hey, stick to what you know, right?) I was going to give Joshua Kaddison’s “Beautiful in my Eyes” a shot, but things ran late… we had a ton of Japanese people there, staying at Tamiment.

You ain’t lived till you see them guys attempt “Baby Got Back“. Let me tell ya… :0)

I gotta ask the karaoke expert, one day… is there always *one* guy in the bar that has to do *every* Elvis song, right? Any time I’ve gone to these karaoke places there’s *ALWAYS* an “Elvis-Only” guy, and some fool white boy that thinks he can do Motown. *rolls eyes*.

Speaking of which, everyone at the place keeps asking why I don’t do “Play That Funky Music, White Boy“… after all, that was my theme song growing up, and will most likely be on the soundtrack on the movie about my life after I’m gone (or at least fake my death again).

I’ll think about it.
‘cuz this White Boy got soul. *GLEEEE*
But *still* wont attempt anything by the Temptations… not to worry.

I know what you’re thinking, based on all the bullshit you were fed from Hollywood in the 60’s that The Green Hornet and Kato was a ripoff of Batman and Robin, right???
… well stop that right now! It’s almost painful to think how 20th Century Fox fucked both of these characters up!

The first “Green Hornet” radio program aired in 1936, created by George W. Trendle… a whole three years before The Dark Knight appeared (Actually putting Bob Kane still in high school…). Well, he is sort of a “spin-off”, but of The Lone Ranger, not Batman. John Reid (aka The Lone Ranger) had an older brother, Dan Reid. Dan is grandfather of Britt Reid (aka The Green Hornet)… you following here?

Britt Reid is publisher of the Daily Sentinel, filling out the pre-requisite that a superhero *MUST* work in a newspaper (Superman and Spiderman does it, it’s the best way to get information, and breaking news stories… unless you’re a seriously-disturbed billionaire obsessed with bats, or a college professor in Louisiana… then beating the piss out of a crackhead in an alley in the middle of the night will do just fine.).

His whole schtick involved getting the news of some major drug/weapon/criminal activity going down, The Green Hornet appears as a feared gangland character, comes in, and threatens the mobsters with extortion (which is hilarious irony, when you think about it.), if they don’t cut him in on a “piece of the action”. Nine times out of ten the criminals decline and orders his men to “waste them”… Kato kicks all their asses, they’re all handed to the police… and the money is anonymously dropped off to some charity in town.

Going over to Britt Reid’s home, he eventually marries his secretary (because sometimes sexual harrassment at the workplace *does* work out.), and you would never suspect that the oriental butler serving you your drink is, in fact, Bruce Lee… and he can probably kill you where you stand in two moves or less.

What’s *not to love* about these guys???? Like my other idol, Zorro, they pose as criminals, fuck authority every chance they get… and kick bad guy’s asses with style and panache.

In the 1990’s Now Comics re-introduces a totally revamped Green Hornet (But of course can’t mention The Lone Ranger because of licensing issues.) And Bruce Lee/Hayashi Kato is alive and well in this world (an alcoholic hollywood actor, who blames himself for the death of the third-generation Green Hornet… but alive.).

If they ever get around to making a new movie about The Green Hornet… it better be good. We’ve already seen Jet Li in the Kato Costume…
And stop calling them “Batman & Robin” ripoffs dammit.

Sources: