Sometime last night, Web Designer Dino Ignacio pulled the plug on his long-running internet-cult-classic “Bert is Evil” site. It was his own personal decision. No “cease & desists” or threats involved.

Seeing his work on a pro-Taliban protest was apparently too much for him. The Children’s Television Workshop, is also panicking at the site of one of their creations, broadcast around the world next to the most dangerous man alive.

I think these people need to reach deep down inside, and see the hilarious irony of it all… Osama’s own supporters made an ASSHOLE out of him. And Bert helped. Whether it was our Special Forces slipping it into the printing plates, or the “official story” of an honest mistake by the printer… it was effective and humiliating nonetheless.

The story below about “Sesame Street being bombed” was a fabrication. Elmo, Big Bird, Zoe and the gang are all alive & well. It was propaganda. I took that day’s events, like any good American, and rolled with it…..

<The sound of the “Battle Hymn of the Republic” blaring in the background>

I want the memory of that protest in Bangladesh embedded in the world’s mind forever. The world needs to talk about it, and laugh at Ass-ama forever. Let the world know that The Taliban and Al-Qaeda’s contempt for our culture will be the means to their demise… you were humiliated by a muppet, Assama!

Thank you to…
• Dino Ignacio - Who has a great-looking site with lots of other fun stuff… check it out.
• The Children’s Television Workshop, for 31 years of great entertainment, and shaping many of us into the grown-ups we are today…
  (They have a great section called “Tragic Times, healing words”, offering help to parents in explaining 9/11…)

And most of all….

Flag courtesy of Comstock Images, Bert Courtesy of CTW….

Bush Addresses the Joint Chiefs of Staff on the latest assault against Evil Muppet Bert. (Shown here in a photo with Osama bin Laden in 1998) Photo: Associated Press

WASHINGTON (AP) - In his vow to to “rid the world of evildoers, and punish those that harbor them”. President Bush signed an executive order to launch a surprise air attack on Sesame Street this morning.

The attack was launched in retaliation against Bert, a muppet with ties to the Al-Qaeda terrorist network, several mob organizations, and feared thoughout the underworld as “That scary little furry guy”. The death toll is mounting of up to 150 muppets and rising. The toll may be higher, as correspondents are seeing fur, felt, and stuffing all in the ruins.

“But why attack all of us???”, cried a resident, who only wanted to be referred to as “Gina”, “we’re as terrified of Bert as the rest of the world… we’ve done nothing wrong”.

Chilling evidence of Bert’s involvement in the latest terrorism attacks. In a rally in Bangladesh, 9/10/01, Bert is seen in a supportive poster. Photo: Reuters

The main target was Mr. Hooper’s store, now in ruins. It was a suspected front for Bert’s operations.

President Bush addressed the Joint Chiefs of Staff this morning, and was quoted in saying: “Make no mistake, this nation will not rest until this furry little bastard is turned into someone’s oven mitt….”

There is no evidence of whether Bert survived the attack. Or was anywhere NEAR Sesame Street at the time.

The President will address the Nation tonight at 9:30 PM (That’s when the little hand is on the 9, and the big hand is on the 6). To discuss this latest operation, entitled OPERATION: Nail the GODDAMN Sock Puppet.

Brought to you by the Letter “S”.
For “SPECIAL FORCES (Psychological Operations)”
and “SUCK MY DICK, OSAMA!”

So far A-S is operational on the Font Section. I should be done late tonight, and then back to redesigning my ISP.

An impassioned plea for peace

At a time where we should all be coming together… it kills me to watch my *FORMER* Blogging Twin, slowly and painfully lose his marbles.

Sources say he stays up all night, guarding his comment box, checking his referrer logs, running traceroute on every visitor… doesn’t eat, sleep or shower (eew..)… just waiting for an attack that may or may not come.

Please, whoever you are… leave Mr. Jenett (pronounced “Paranoid Schizo”) alone?

Can’t we all just get along?Maybe you’re one of the many, many people he recently kicked out of his projects because your host implemented pop-under ads without your consent? Or you redesigned, and forgot to put one of his buttons back up? Or you got one of his creepy emails full of threats for gawd-only-knows-what…

We forgive you for your callous and heartless disregard for this poor man’s feelings… but right now, KNOCK IT OFF…YOU’RE MAKING BABY JESUS CRY! :*(

Perhaps I share a tiny, miniscule (actually, microscopic!) share of the blame. Maybe I was a little heavy handed yesterday, demanding you stop. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I do. Now I am on my knees begging you to stop harassing this “meaningless web person” (in his own words!).

Can’t we all just get along?

I would have come to Joe’s rescue sooner, but I’m a tad busy these days. I am saddened, stunned… and will now join Baby Jesus and weep.

Today’s Lesson: “The more bridges you burn, the less places you have to run and hide.”