What’s new at EricBrooks.Com plus newz and gossip all over CyberTown
September 29th, 2001
Downloading: Well, it seems personal sites on NBCi are no more. Most of the zip files that you have download here were stored there, dating back three-or-so years ago when it was XOOM, my very first home on the web… and they offered unlimited storage to its members.
Those days are long gone, and now any of us using XOOM/NBCi as storage is being directed to X-Drive Plus, where members can try it free for 15 days.
I don’t think so.
All of my .zip files are now being moved to another location, and should be done by the end of the weekend. Which solves problem #1.
E-Mail: There appears to be a problem with the “sendmail” program on this server. This fucks upeffects the following functions on this site: My E-Mail, The Card Shop, The Complaint Department, WHUZZUPDATE!®… and I’m sure more will come in, as I combat an ulcer with Alka Seltzer.
Just know that we’re (the techs at Server-Space, and myself.) aware, and working feverishly on fixing the problem. Keep checking WHUZZUP!® for any new developments…
Thanx for your patience…
-e-
Posted in Old Stuff | 3 Comments »
September 28th, 2001
 Inside the minds of Terrorists
For the sake of children, experiencing war for the first time… I have denoted words they may not understand with asterisks (*), so they can appreciate the fine art of propaganda*. Answer key at the bottom.
The following hand-written note was found inside a flight manual in a suspect’s abandoned vehicle, translated from Farsi*
THINGS TO DO LIST
- Wake up, face the East, praise Allah* for his love and grace, and for the painful, gruesome death of Jews and Americans everywhere.
- Decide whether to milk the camel or blow shit up.
- Sniff the leftover bowl of cous-cous*, to see if it is suitable to eat for breakfast.
- Run to the market to pick up goat’s milk, a laws rocket launcher, and a stick of butter. (Find out if your order of bio-chemical weapons are in yet!)
- Sit down and try to plot the downfall of the United States, which is no easy feat as through this, you are being nagged by all six of your wives to go out and sweep the sand buildup outside of the tent because the neighbors are beginning to talk. At least two of them are suffering the curse of their “monthly effendi* coming to visit”. Come to think of it, there isn’t a day in the year when it isn’t happening to at least one of them…
- Curse the concept of polygamy*… the number one cause of suicide bombers in Al-Qaeda*.
- Go back outside, face the East and pray again. Or at least use that as an excuse to get away from the nagging bitches, and your 42 screaming kids.
- Take the camel out for a spin to the local Al-Qaeda* terrorist camp. It’s “Stag Film Night”, and the grand poo-bah promises this this film will actually show a hot Afghani woman exposing herself up to her left foot. Perhaps even an ankle!
- Hide the projector, pull up the screen to show your latest attack plan on the blackboard when a Taliban* official pops in looking to serve Osama bin Laden* with an eviction notice.
- A messenger arrives with a parchment from wife #3 (whats-her-name, you know, the pregnant one?), asking you to pick up some beef jerky on the way home from your most revered Jihad* meeting.
- You curse the sand her ancestors walked upon. It’s blashemy! Obviously she has been poisoned by western culture. (Besides, you already know that Pakistan has closed it’s borders to you. Not that it matters… 160 million Pakistanis, and not one of them owns a “Quicky Mart” or a “7-11″* over here.)
- This is the last straw on the loofah sponge, as you volunteer to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a suicide bomber for Allah. An eternity of paradise will be your reward, as well as twelve virgins, and a lifetime supply of Turtle Wax.
(Translator’s note: This part of the radical mentality of these madmen remain an enigma to our investigators trying to establish a profile. He became a suicide bomber to get away from his six nagging wives, yet he’s now committing himself to spending all eternity with twice the amount of women???? Also, I wasn’t sure of the words originally used for “loofah sponge” and “Turtle Wax”, so I took a guess. Sue me.)
|
A N S W E R K E Y
* Propaganda: Fictional or extremely biased and/or exagerrated material designed to piss you off, make you want to join the army and kill people you don’t know.
* Farsi: The most widely spoken language in the Middle East. Preferred language of Terrorists. Not all people that speak Farsi are Terrorists or necessarily bad people; in fact, if you are fluent in Farsi, the FBI will immediately hire you (they always have fresh doughnuts and a great 401K plan).
However, if they ARE speaking Farsi, and happen to be flailing a box cutter in the air, you probably should kill him, just to be safe. | Go Back Up
* Allah is the name Muslims use for “God”. Since Islam, Judaism and Christianity believe there is only one God… it stands to reason we all pray to the same Higher Being. He has many names and is worshipped in many different customs.
For example if your name is “John”, in Spain you would be called “Juan”.
In France, you would be “Jaques”, and most likely you’re sitting in an outdoor cafe, choking down slimy-ass slugs at $15 a pop… and thinking your dumb French ass is superior to any American, despite all the times we’ve LIBERATED YOUR UNGRATEFUL ASSES THROUGH HALF A GAZILLION ENEMY OCCUPATIONS, YOU COWARDLY MUTHERFUCKERS!!! | Go Back Up
* Cous-cous is a Middle Eastern delicacy consisting of some weird-ass round rice with a strange vinegar-like liquid to give a cooling effect. My best guess is it’s lighter fluid. Go figure. | Go Back Up
* Effendi: Farsi for “friend”. For the definition of a “monthly friend coming to visit”, we recommend you ask your older sister to explain that phrase. This is a lesson in Terrorism, not Sex Ed, okay? | Go Back Up
* Polygamy: Uhm…er… go ask your mom about her, dad and the mailman. It’s a similar concept. | Go Back Up
* Al-Qaeda: A bunch of douchebags. That’s all you need to know. | Go Back Up
* Al-Qaeda: I just explained this… what the hell is the matter with you???? | Go Back Up
* Taliban: Extremist right-wing fruitcakes who opress women, destroy priceless statues, and seem to think they’re still in the 12th Century.
This is evident as they refer to the British Monarchy as “King Richard’s Land of Infidels”, listen to The New Kids On The Block, and act like The Crusades happened last week. | Go Back Up
* Osama bin Laden: Reeeeal bad guy! The Bogeyman! Eat all your vegetables or Osama bin Laden WILL GET YOU!!!! | Go Back Up
* Jihad: “Holy War” or better translated as “When the Israelis or Americans kick our asses up and down the desert, as usual…”. | Go Back Up
* 7-11: Tell me you don’t know what a 7-11 is???? You are too stupid to live!!! Sign up and volunteer for the front lines NOW!!! Watch your step through the deeper ends of the gene pool…YOU MAY DROWN!!! | Go Back Up |
Posted in Old Stuff | No Comments »
September 26th, 2001
Seriously. It’s part of the healing process.
You’d have to understand my origins to understand me. I’m from Brooklyn… we are world-reknowned for our sick humor at the darkest times.
Growing up in dilapidated house, no male role models to fix things as they broke… (My friends have been calling the house “1313 Mockingbird Lane” since Junior High School). You had to laugh at it. When I built a recording studio in my basement, to watch the toughest “gangstas” in Brooklyn haul ass, as sewer rats the size of chihuauhas came out to hear their lyrics…
That was funny as hell!
There were a lot of hard times there, it was overcrowded, it was hostile and dangerous to be a white person in that neighborhood after a while…
Humor got us through.
Early attempts to make us laugh after the tragedy was pretty bad. Poking fun at the WTC is like making fun of a rape victim (which is never funny, and when you think about it… that’s what happened to America on 9/11).
However…..
Al Qaeda announced Thursday that it would lay off 5,000 or more holy warriors. - Fucking hilarious!
The Onion shows us how it’s done with its Special Report: “Holy Fucking Shit! Attack on America” - American satire at its best….. CHECK IT OUT!
All links via MetaFilter… which brings me to today’s Newz & Gossip:
- The end of MetaFilter? - Former “A-Lister” and Webby loser Jason Kottke and MetaFilter mastermind (and former “A-lister”)Matthew Haughey discuss (as we’re all apparently ignored) how MetaFilter is a “hassle”, “may be scrapped”, and “turned into something it wasn’t meant to be”…
Uhm… that would be total domination and worship of the “A-List”, wasn’t it?
Matt, boobalah, do you realize what a juggernaut you have created?
It’s valuable property… and if you play your cards right (ie: stop complaining about what a hassle it is to maintain.) You can make a small fortune selling it off with all your hard work and brilliant coding.
Me? I’m all for the worship of the A-List…
why?
Because there is a new “A-List”. Run by the Axis of Jon Sullivan and Matthew Rossi (as confirmed here…).
We MUST worship them! Compelling content and good discussion is what the people want… Besides, I know these guys. If I suck up to them enough,
***I can become an “A-Lister”.*** :0)
- I will now proudly resume my role and bring you the finest in Newz, Gossip, and Pro-American Propaganda…
Well, maybe…
Tomorrow I face a judge on various charges for what happened over the summer… you all know what happened after that, and obviously this “Police State” isn’t done punishing us.
For what? For being stranded, and doing the best you can to stay afloat.
Will I do jail time? Will I face a stiff fine? Or will this Magistrate decide we’ve been punished enough?
Sentencing is tomorrow morning in Dingman’s Ferry if you all have nothing better to do.
I’m sure the same people who had a field day cracking “Trailer Jokes” as the Sheriffs locked us out of our home last February are going to have a field day with this one…
Oh well, at least they’ll be laughing again. Laughter is good.
Posted in Old Stuff | No Comments »
September 21st, 2001
Banned Books Week - See what’s been banned/is planned on being banned… right here in America??!!?? Show your support against ignorance!
The FBI has uncovered evidence that September 22nd may be another potential day of terrorist attacks. They got this from many of the suspects nailed recently. Off the record, I hear from insiders that some of them are “singing like canaries” against Osama bin Laden, Iraq, other terrorists, Al-Qaeda…and giving a lot of crucial information about future attacks, hideouts, and strategic layouts…
While I’m extremely grateful, there will be no “Black-eyed virgins waiting for these guys in Heaven” now. Uh…you dudes *DO* realize that, right?
Please be careful tomorrow, y’all…..
I think it’s time to put the wraps on America Under Attack. It’s definitely the calm before the storm, and unless any further events unfold… We’ll all be bracing ourselves for Operation: Infinite Justice.
I’ll also be taking this time to finish writing my account of the recent events in Ground Zero: The Untold Stories. Ever wonder how a newspaper operates when a story bigger than Pearl Harbor and Titanic combined unfolds right in front of you? STAY TUNED.
It’ll also feature first-hand accounts by many of my friends who were right there in the thick of it (of course submissions are always welcome…).
It’ll be here at SoApBoX, and then eventually be moved to its new home at Remember 9-11.
It may or may not feature a chilling, non-fictional chapter called “My name is Maria“, about a woman who graphically describes buried alive.
I’m still mulling over this, as I feel there were plenty of powerful true stories out there. Last week, it *definitely* would have been in bad taste…. however, there’s plenty of legend and folklore circulating around this tragedy already (Satan’s Face, Nostradamus, the cop surfing down, the firemen in the SUV)… and I feel there will be more as the years roll by. If I include it… there will be a stern ***READ AT YOUR OWN RISK*** warning on it, I promise.
One of the people who told me their tale also has up-close and gruesome photos of the carnage at Ground Zero. I’m not sure how many I would be comfortable posting… but I do want America to remember what happened to us, and I want us to stay angry and supportive of military action.
Crucial Reads for America:
Truth or Consequences - By William Saletan - Currently we’re all feeling a form of “survivor’s guilt”, or are our heads being played with by our enemies…? It’s a A REAL EYE-OPENER!
If we withdraw from the world and/or change our foreign policy… then we have given the terrorists exactly what they set out to do.
Stand Proud America! - In 1973, Canadian radio host Gordon Sinclair broadcast “The Americans”… showing support during an unpopular war amid great anti-American sentiment. Fifteen years after his death, his words come alive again in a widely-circulated E-Mail called “America: The Good Neighbours”… giving us all a boost when we need it most. While our enemies spread propaganda and slam us… someone remembers all the good the United States has done.
Did you remember to use MetaFocker in a sentence today?
Posted in Old Stuff | 2 Comments »
September 20th, 2001
James and the Giant Peach…BANNED???!!???
I was reminded recently by Deb (”Yoo-hoo… I’m up here”) Smouse that September 22nd begins “Banned Book Week“.
…excuse me for a second… while I check a newspaper, and make sure Jerry Falwell didn’t get elected President while I wook a nap this afternoon.
Banning books… isn’t that the first thing Hitler did when he became Chancellor of Germany?
It kinda touches on today’sthis week’s overall topic:
“If the effort against terrorism is to succeed, we must court, not ignore, world opinion. And we must learn to listen, even when we dislike what we hear. Especially when we dislike it.”
- Jeffrey Zeldman, responding to irate readers for his link to yesterday’s editorial in South African Daily Mail & Guardian -
I love being an American. I can’t think of a better place to be. But let’s face it… we’re also the most naive, nosy, closed-minded, arrogant fucks walking on this planet.
Please tell me I’m not the only person in the Western Hemisphere that knew Third World countries have hated our guts for decades????
It got to the point where I couldn’t take the “Anti-American” sentiment on MetaFilter this past week… You bring up Hiroshima, and I’ll normally remind someone that we went back after the war, paid billions in reparations, and helped the Japanese rebuild. When Kuwait was invaded by Saddam… they came to *US* for help. When these little piss-on countries need billions in foriegn aid, with no possible way to repay it… who do they go to? The United States, that’s who.
I could have blasted these people. But instead, I listened. America should listen right now.
There’s no excusing what happened though. Those 5,000+ people didn’t deserve to die (Including three firemen that Carole & I knew). It’s still my belief that these terrorists will do what they do, simply for a taste of notariety, and well, they’re assholes. It’s still my belief that Osama bin Laden and Al-Qaeda needs to be wiped out of existence, and if the Taliban wants to get in the way… so be it.
But Napalming the people of Afghanistan; Poor people, already ravaged by war, opressed by the Taliban, fleeing their country in terror… they don’t deserve to die either.
Saddam Hussein (of all people), recently stated “Maybe the U.S. needs to rethink their foriegn policy”.
America needs to listen. America needs their eyes and minds wide open right now.
God gave you two ears and one mouth… He was hoping you’d listen twice as much as you spoke.
Posted in Old Stuff | 4 Comments »
Dots O' Links
Here are a list of other great blogs and journals for you to check out. Due to Technorati's way of ranking sites, and I don't have a blogroll, I've pulled these right out of my Links Page.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
10 queries. 3.017 seconds. Powered by WordPress
Disclaimer: The views expressed herein
are solely those of Eric
Brooks. They do not necessarily reflect those of his employers,
friends, contacts, family, or even his pets (though my cat,
Puddy,
seems to agree with me on many key issues.). In accordance to my terms of use,
you hereby acknowledge my right to psychoanalyze you, practice accupuncture,
and mock you incessantly with every visit. As the user, you also acknowledge
that the author has been legally declared a "Problem Adult" by the
Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and is therefore not responsible for any of his
actions. |
|
