Month: August 2000

A word from the Adorable Brooks Kidz….

Posted on by Ashley And Erika

Me & SammiHi it’s me, Erika. I’m going to start second grade in a few weeks, and I’m SO exited!

re-inactmnt... this is not a real pikcherDaddy won’t be able to do anything here, since he’s in the hospital. So I figured me and Ashley can fill in for daddy. I also finished his updates for Gresser Realty. (He does that junk the hard way… ain’t he never heard of PHP3 or XML????) Don’t forget to visit our site: The Adorable Brooks Kidz, and sign our guestbook… we’d love to hear from you!

Mommy wont tell us what happened.
All she tells us is “’cause your daddy’s A PIG, that’s why!!!“

AshleyWell, DUUUUH, Rikki! We know Daddy’s a pig! Remember when we went to see “Rocky & Bullwinkle” and Dad went to get the popcorn? Mommy came out, and he was talking to the popcorn girl for 20 minutes… AND STILL DIDEN’T GET US NO POPCORN!?!?!

But Daddy’s fun too. When Mommy works late he lets us have cereal for dinner, and we don’t have to do our homework, cuz he says mommy will do it for us in the morning… she wont mind. They’re always fighting… they should go back on Ricki Lake like they did in 1994 (You don’t remember that do you, Erika? The producer kept calling you “lil’ Ricki” in the Green Room.)

Weekend Erika and Ashley’s Surfing Picks….

  • Point of Focus– Susan is really nice! She has lots of great stuff to make your web page look nice, and she supports Save-A-Dog. We like her! And we hope those rotten people stealing her stuff will go to jail or something…
  • Britney Spears Official Website – Ashley would KILL me if I didnt add this. They’re having a bit of trouble with their shockwave opening, but it’s a great site…and Britney actually writes to her!!!!
  • Blues Clues Weekly Game – It’s a lot of fun! Johnny loves it and him and Sammi learn stuff!!!
  • Yahoo! Clubs – Arthur – Arthur is my favorite character. You can talk about him here. The club founder even knows Marc Brown (the author).
  • Mama Stories – Lacey’s Weblog has some funny stories in it about her kids!

FEEL BETTER DADDY… WE LOVE YOU!!!

– Ashley & Erika –

I won I won I won I won!!!!!!

Posted on by Eric Brooks

I never won anything in my life… and The Webmistress just announced ME the winner of her new Authentic hand-crafted official Webmistress™ T-Shirt!!!!! I gotta take a pic of me in it and send it to her (the pic, not the shirt…sorry, so excited!!!!).

I know, I know… it looks like the contest was rigged, but I swear to Gawd, I popped out an email within seconds of her posting the contest, and became the 10th Emailer. (Hey I’m excited, don’t ruin this for me!). And yes, like The Webmistress, I’m considering changing the name of this page to the “Jo/Matt/Pete/Faith/Graham Linky-Lovefest“… I even begged Jo to give it to one of her thousands of adoring fans and make me another one…. but she would have none of that! I won it fair & square, and the rest of you will have to BUY ONE!!!!! Or stay on her site… ALL DAY LONG, and keep pressing “refresh” every three minutes for the next contest announcement. She would be terribly flattered by your devotion too!

EricBrooks.Com!…. Nothing quite like it (on Google)!

Eight Internet Years….

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Zeldman continues to take a beating for giving Netscape a much-needed swift kick up the ass. The poor guy’s getting it from all sides. I know the feeling all too well. Every time I open my mouth, I’m a “sweetheart” to somebody, and a “vitriolic, mean-spirited asshole” to somebody else. You can’t win on the web! And now I feel like crap to have to do the same thing to a man who has been such a great friend and a mentor to me…

JZ, you were too nice to them, bro! See, the Eric Brooks version would’ve laid all the cold hard facts down, and used more colorful phrases like :

  • “Yo! Get your hands off each other’s dicks, and put out a fucking browser already!!!”
  • “He-lloooooo….? Not that anyone gives a rat’s ass about Netscape anymore, buuuut….”

    • …and my personal favorite:

  • “I don’t know what to do first, bitch-slap you little geeks, or remove Solitare from your computers!!!! GET TO FUCKING WORK….NOWWWWW!!!!!”

I mean, guys, I’m so sick of this shit! I know I’m not a programmer, and I have no clue what it takes to build a rendering engine from scratch… but JEEZ! I sure as hell know what it’s like to write two sets of code for every page… to spend hours looking at a page through different browsers and make compromises to my designs to suit everybody.

Two fucking years…. an “Internet Year” is three months, so we’re talking Eight Internet years of this crap. Eight years of my pages not validating because I have to add non-standard code so that the six or seven Netscape users that visit my site every year don’t say: (Whiny nasal voice)”Your pages looook fuuuunny…. I can’t reaaaad some of theeeeem”.
Suck is right, pull the plug! The fat lady is tuning up as I write this….

Gee, you don’t think being declared The King of Parody has gone to my head, do ya? :0)

EricBrooks.Com!…. In a class by himself!

Proudly powered by WordPress
Creative Commons License
EricBrooks.Com® is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

Disclaimer: The views expressed herein are solely those of Eric Brooks. They do not necessarily reflect those of his employers, friends, contacts, family, or even his pets (though my cat, Puddy, seems to agree with me on many key issues.). In accordance to my terms of use, you hereby acknowledge my right to psychoanalyze you, practice accupuncture, and mock you incessantly with every visit. As the user, you also acknowledge that the author has been legally declared a "Problem Adult" by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and is therefore not responsible for any of his actions. ALSO, the political views and products advertised on this site may/may not reflect the views of Puddy or myself, so please don't take them as an endorsement. We just need to eat.

Connect