Well? Cuz you’re an idiot. What do you want me to tell you?

You fell for those ridiculous Cosmopolitan articles, and you’re puzzled as she “thinks of you as a big brother” now. And of course it’s all her fault because “women make no sense”, right?

Like I said. You’re an idiot.

OK, pop quiz, Mr. “Alan Alda”…

Q: Your friend of the opposite sex had a bad day at work. Drops by because she “needs a hug”. You…. A. Listen attentively, and tell her you’re “sorry she had a bad day”. And ask if there’s anything you can do to help. B. Run out and buy her a sweet hallmark card and some chocolates to let her know you’re her friend and care. C. Listen attentively. And ask her if cunnilingus would make her feel better. ) D. Pour some wine. Wait for that moment of silence. Gaze into her eyes and see her pupils are dialating. Get down on your knees, hike her skirt up, ease her panties down and drive her to at least three monstrous orgasms to relieve her stress. Listen to her attentively as you’re cuddled up in bed together and that whole night will be chalked up as “Our little secret”.

The correct answer is “D” you idiot.

* If you answered “A”, no wonder why you’re alone and jerking off every night! If you have to ask a woman what she wants, you’re useless. Women like men that are decisive, and even if you’re wrong, you get credit for trying.

* If you answered “B”, well perhaps you need a boyfriend too!

* If you answered “C”, (see answer for “A”, wussie-boy.) Not to mention you’re creepy and she already knows you want to get in her pants and not be her friend. You’re not fooling anyone, loser!

See, you’re already making the fatal mistake of thinking your friend “Angela” thinks exactly like your friend “Josh”. The worst thing you can ever do is make “assumptions” based on “if it were me, I’d”…. Women don’t think like men. Women find themselved attracted to men differently from how men are attracted to women. And it’s not about YOU it’s about THEM, how old are you that you don’t know the game is played by now?

Notice her. See those little things that she does and tell her you see it. Women love the fact that they are surrounded in mystery and allure, and if you make note of the things that make them truly unique, try to slowly unravel the mystery of her, then you “get it” (take that any way you want).

Besides the expressive eyes, or their pouty lips… how about the weird face the make when you tell them that Calamari is a squid and they just ate a tentacle!!!

Don’t go looking for a girl when you’re lonely. Dude, you look pathetic and desperate! It’s the metaphoric equivalent of “going food shopping while you’re hungry”, you’ll leave the store with 10 bags of potato chips while someone else gets that fiiiiiine cut of Grade-A premium filet mignon. You dork. Just kill yourself already.

Most important of all, RESPECT THEM. There’s plenty of guys that want to fuck her senseless… what do she need you wasting her time for? You can at least be mildy amusing and entertaining. Sometimes when a girl says “no”, she really DOES mean “no”. (Sometimes it can also mean “not yet”, and that’s where nice guys fuck up and miss the boat as well…)

Friends give friends oral sex when they’re down.
(Unless of course your friend Josh wants a blowjob and that aint your thing… that’s just weird, ok? Why do you tell me these things when you know I will mock you later for it???)

Related posts:

1. Nice guys (and girls) finish last at work too.

This entry was posted on Sunday, July 2nd, 2006 at 2:00 pm and is filed under Elsewhere.... You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.