The First Amendment for dummies.
(Does this sound like anyone you know? I can think of at least five people off the top of my head….)
Idiot: “Dammit to hell, this ‘Freedom of Speech’ stuff is bullshit. We don’t have it!”
Me: “Sure we do.”
Idiot: “Everytime I open my mouth, someone attacks me in my comments.”
Me: “Well, they have freedom of speech too, remember?”
Idiot: “It’s not RIGHT!!!!”
Me: “Yeah, that “freedom” stuff is a bitch, ain’t it?”
Idiot: “I have the right to say anything I want, it’s in the First Amendment.”
Me: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.”
Idiot: “What the hell is that?”
Me: “The First Amendment. You were just talking about it, remember?”
Idiot: “I never saw that before…”
Me: “I’m not surprised. Everyone rambles on about the First Amendment, yet no one has a clue what it actually says.”
Idiot: “But it just says Congress wont make any laws stopping me, where’s the part that says I can run around and be an asshole, and no one can touch me????”
Me: “It doesn’t. Having a driver’s license doesn’t give you the right to run over anyone you want, does it?”
Idiot: “Yeah, well, newspapers throw up their ‘Freedom of Speech’ everytime someone tries to stop them, and it works.”
Me: “That’s ‘Freedom of the Press‘ you don’t have that. You’re not the media, you’re just an idiot with a weblog.”
Idiot: “Oh you see??!!?? There you go again. You can’t come up with anything intelligent to say so you start with the name calling and insults!!!”
Me: “That’s not an insult. Just a personal observation.”
Idiot: “I can sue you for that, it’s slander!”
Me: “No it’s in print so it would be libel, not slander. But it’s neither, since I have proof you’re an idiot. If you want to shell out a few thousand dollars, travel back and forth to my home state for a few months and try to sue me, rather than show a little restraint every once in in a while, then you have more time on your hands than I do. Of course, since you obviously have no clue what you’re talking about, what your rights *REALLY* are, and what legal term applies, I find it safe to assume you don’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell.”
Idiot: “Dammit, if you don’t like what I say, don’t read my site.”
Me: “If you don’t like what I say, don’t go to my site, and comment on your site about it.”
Idiot: “I can comment anywhere I damn well please!”
Me: “So can everyone else then. What do you have comments on your weblog for, anyway? You seem to be able to dish it out, but you can’t take it.”
Idiot: “For people to comment on my posts and exhange ideas.”
Me: “Bullshit, it’s for people to tell you you’re right and agree with you, you constanly bitch and/or delete all of the entries that call you on your crap, ‘cuz you’re an idiot.”
Idiot: “Then I’ll sue you for libel”
Me: “And for all those thousands of dollars you’ll shell out, what will you gain? You can’t ask for monetary damage unless you’ve lost revenue from this. And like I said, I have proof you’re an idiot.”
Idiot: “Oh really???? And what evidence do you supposedly have?”
Me: “This conversation.”
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