Sheeesh… you would think on this… the HOLIEST of all days, the gOdOfMiScHiEf would be planning something pretty damn spectacular right about now.

Too busy… maybe next year.

So you will have to settle for reruns here on Enemy of the State…

You see, before there was a gOdOfMiScHiEf… there was Rik Havyk.

Rik was a wild woman, the “girl of your wet dreams“. She’d be free to chat with you on AOL, cyber any guy who caught her profile, she knew what you wanted, and you can trust her your deepest, darkest secrets… just so she can post it on a web page for all to see!

Here’s something for you guys to, uh, think about…. Rik Havyk was really a GUY.

Aaaaaaanyway the story begins somewhere in 1998 where my ex–boss, a truly verbally abusive asshole (who has had numerous affairs on his wife) met this adorable little blonde bombshell in an AOL chat room. They hit it off. They were both artists, and both from Queens. They exchanged pics.

He was smitten. This guy is the type to cause a three–car pileup when he sees a blonde on the streets, in real life, and oh… was Rik Havyk his type!

The letters and the IM’s were getting hot & heavy for a month or two, and the thought that this 23 year old vixen wanted this middle aged fat slob, and was only a mile or two away from him…

Meeting was inevitable, and he was gonna have that hot, young little pussy soon!

(btw, some of you guys REALLY SUCK AT CYBERSEX… just thought you should know!)

I heard from insiders (who were in on the joke) he started jogging to lose weight, damn near caught pneumonia from jogging in February… he wanted to be totally presentable for meeting her at the Queens Center Mall in a few weeks… (and, uhm… maybe a nearby motel? Rik was a total slut. She needed it bad….)

Well, that day finally arrived. He finally scoured the Queens Center Mall looking for the girl of his wet dreams…

…but where was she?

Why, publishing all his emails on her website, calling it “Chronicles of a Moron“, and sending a link to his wife of 20–some–odd–years, his son, and all his business contacts whom he’s been raving about this cyber–lolita… (as his employees had to leave the office to keep from laughing out loud every time.)

So the next time you guys are getting all hot & heavy with that chick on the internet…
Just bear in mind, you may be cybering the gOdOfMiScHiEf with all his friends laughing their asses off on the other end of that computer…

Care for some mouthwash? Tic–Tac? Cyanide??? :0)