How to REALLY write a better weblog…
“Life is like a package of twinkies…
Look too close at the ingredients, realize what kind of shit you’re putting in your system, and you won’t enjoy enjoy junk food no more….”
- Forrest Brooks -
Sometimes it’s better not to look too close at things, knowhutImeanVern?
I did it… after commenting all over the place, I finally caved in and read How to Write a Better Weblog. Now I actually know what I’m talking about.
I won’t waste my time with what I think was so wrong & offensive about it. To me, this was the *writer’s opinion* of what *he liked* in a weblog & I guess what was so offensive was his arrogant stance, expecting *you* to conform to *his* tastes and standards…
Don’t change a thing, people… don’t make me come though your screen and bitchslap you!
What makes a successful weblog? Hell if I know. They’re digital extensions of the people writing them. They can only be as exciting/boring as the people writing them… and people come in all flavors. I can only tell you what I like/don’t like.
I stress, this is ONLY my opinion:
- Turn offs
- Talking incessantly (and *only* talking) about yourself. – Do I really fucking care what you watched on tv? Your new couch? The color, size and texture of your pet’s latest dump?
- Constant whining – Oh Jesus! Can things *really be that bad*???? Rather than harp in this poor guy’s comment box and convince him that perhaps suicide *IS* the answer in this case, I’ll just come back in a few months, ok? (Yeah, I know… look who’s talking, here!)
- The latest New York Times/USA Today/Reuters Article and a commentary – Look, I know some people enjoy this & that’s cool… but I spend 8–26 hours a day in a newsroom, I wanna come home and see a girl blogging in her underwear & forgetting that her cam is still on, okay?
- YOU’RE BORING! Ironically, these are the same people that want a massive following, hound you for links, and get offended if you don’t mention them in every post… *SIGH*
To further illustrate my point, I offer a *small* list of places I like and why… these are sites I have to hit the second I’m online, and if I left you out… that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. (Cripes, I can’t take the thin–skinned, fragile psyches of you crybabies anymore…SHEESH!!!!)
The rest of you: I love you and don’t bitch that I didn’t include you on that list. It was a short list of weblogs that I like, and a brief explaination of why I like them. As you can see, they don’t follow any of the rules as specifically laid out in “How to write a better weblog” There are tons more, but that is as meaningless as the hookers that wont come to my house because I live out in the middle of nowhere….
… and I keep giving them fake credit cards over the phone.
Just be yourselves, okay? You promise?
February 25th, 2002 at 12:30 pm
love you, babe!
February 25th, 2002 at 12:48 pm
Promised! Hey, I moved AGAIN! Isnīt that great? Oh yessssss…..
February 25th, 2002 at 2:44 pm
love you, babe!
February 25th, 2002 at 2:54 pm
*feelin’ the love*
I kinda resent the fact that the guy who wrote the article felt the need to distinguish between "professionals" and "amateurs"…gods, hasn’t he ever read Faulkner??
February 25th, 2002 at 4:30 pm
I’m about to pass out from the nice comments here. Ack! Where’s that spare oxygen tank?!?!
February 25th, 2002 at 7:20 pm
dood, your blog sucks… it’s sooooo unprofessional. yes, i want all blogs to fit in the same fuckin mold, so that it’s virtually impossible to tell them apart. that’s what makes that article so great! i’ve been waiting for something like that to come out for a long time!
February 25th, 2002 at 7:29 pm
ok. so that article was *not* something to read right after eating. i nearly puked. that much said, i couldn’t finish it. what a load of codswallop. i’m supposed to write for the few readers i have? bollocks!!
hi eric. never commented here before. i’m a friend of faith’s tho’. had to come see what the hoo–ha’s been all about!!!
February 25th, 2002 at 8:17 pm
I want to make out with you right now. (oops. did I say that outloud?)
February 25th, 2002 at 10:21 pm
Psst – I’ve been guilty of some (if not all) of the points that you listed as turn offs! But that’s ok, you didn’t read those entries! Good! Meanwhile you’re completely insane and I don’t resemble that description at all – but *smooch* for being so sweet in your obvious dementia!
February 25th, 2002 at 11:24 pm
I liked what you said Eric. I really enjoy reading blogs that show the person’s personality. I don’t think anyone on my list of reads is the same or even similar but they’re all honest in the way they present whatever it is that interests them. That’s what I look for anyway.
February 26th, 2002 at 12:31 am
Originality and uniqueness rule. Boilerplate, by the rules (especially his, from what I’ve been reading) is boring. I like what I like and I like you, Eric, for a lot of reasons but mainly for your boldness and wit.
February 26th, 2002 at 5:23 am
word up!
February 26th, 2002 at 3:30 pm
It seems pro. writers are trying to take a swing at weblogs more often. Weblogs have no definite shape, form, or face. You can’t really critique something like that without exposing some personal bias and therefore making whatever you say hardly relevant to the subject.
The weblog writing that seems to be most despised is the daily expunging of the most mundane activities of the author. This is because of the assumption that all writing is for the audience. I don’t care about self–indulgence when I don’t have to pay to read it. I’m just happy that so many people are writing. In time they will either become better writers or at least they will gain appreciation for the difficulty of the craft.
It is enough that they are sharing something. We don’t really know about the daily lives of regular folks from the past. The kings, queens, priests, villains, and champions of the past are well documented. 100 years from now the most boring weblog to us could be quite fascinating, as would the diary of a Roman slave to us (or me) now.
February 26th, 2002 at 10:22 pm
"I want to make out with you right now. (oops. did I say that outloud?)"
Don’t TEASE me like that, babe! I’m vulnerable, and can be taken advantage of easily… (hint, hint)
February 26th, 2002 at 10:39 pm
"This is because of the assumption that all writing is for the audience. "
And that’s *exactly* what has the weblog community up in arms.
This is also my major beef with The Weblog Review. Brent the heartless fuck treated bloggers like they had to be "professional" writers, web designers *AND* graphic artists, rolled into one…. that is a ridiculously–high and elitist standard that almost no one (including Brent, the heartless fuck) can live up to.
I liken weblogs to "Freestyle Breakdancing"… no rules (look every weblog I like has broken my "turn–offs" is some form or another, yet I still like them.) no standards….
Like breakdancers, some webloggers will grow up and become professional choreographers… and some will be shot dead by a crack dealer. What’re ya gonna do???
Btw, since none of us are paid for this… doesn’t that make us *all* "amateurs?
Before kd reminds you again, yes… I’m a hypocrite. So what????
PS: Brent the heartless fuck has shown up in my referrer logs at least four times… c’mon you wimps… get it over with!
February 27th, 2002 at 9:24 pm
Smooch!
Hey, look at Kermit! ;o)
What has this comment to do with your blogentry??? Hmmm, I suppose nothing…
February 27th, 2002 at 10:11 pm
love you, dood.
February 27th, 2002 at 11:47 pm
Hee hee!!!! LMAO@Kermit!
Welcome home, Nico!
Love you too BtC, you International superstar, you!