Black History Month
Dear White people:
In honor of Black History Month.. I’ve been asked to make a simple request of you. They’re not asking for much, okay? They’re over the “slavery” thing, they’re cool about that “busing” stuff… hell, they can even chuckle about “Amos & Andy” now (they’re still a little pissed about Jolson… don’t even go there!)
But please… white people… for all that is sacred:
STOP SINGING R&B!!!!!!
You lack soul. You lack rhythm.
Face it. You’re the “Pat Boone” of our generation.
I heard a remake in a restaurant… some obviously *very white* man & woman doing a cover tune of “Cruisin’”. Dammit, Smokey Robinson was turning in his grave…
…and he ain’t even dead yet!
It needs to stop. You’re making fools of yourselves. Remember when Tom Jones redid Prince’s “Kiss”?
Remember how you laughed yourself silly for three days straight???!!??
It’s not that white people are incapable of having “soul”… I mean Daryl Hall had “soul”, Michael Bolton had “soul”, Vanilla Ice had “soul”.
Hee hee… just fucking with you with the last one. I had to see if you’re still paying attention. :0)
Not all black people have “soul” either… Jasmine Guy and Bryant Gumbel immediately come to mind. So it’s not a racial thing… it’s just… just…
Goddamn it, it’s a reasonable request, okay??? Just 28 days to let a group of people celebrate good music, tremendous advancements in our culture and society, and making it though hardships that would drive a normal person insane.
No butchering “The Temptations” on Karaoke night, okay?
In March, you want to resume that epileptic fit you call “dancing”, hey… be our guest. In the meantime… start listening to Country Music or something.
(The author has been dubbed an “honorary brotha” in 1981 in Erasmus Hall High School… therefore has every right to post this…
And yes… I say “BLACK”. Malcolm X gave that word power, and Dr. King gave it respect. When my friends choose to start referring to themselves as “African–Americans”, then so will I.
Though referring to myself as an “English/German/Massapequadi–American” afterward is going to be a royal bitch!)
February 2nd, 2002 at 4:34 am
I’m glad that my enduring quest to find the loudest, shrillest, screeching heavy metal out there meets with your racial approval. However, being the kind of person who violates taboo, I must now go forth and sing Grooving. But I promise to do so as Glen Danzig would.
February 2nd, 2002 at 8:03 am
Danzig…. Danzig is good. I feel I need to retreat into the world of Marshall Stacks (Actually I always preferred Peavey Amps) myself. Where the hell did I put all my Judas Priest cassettes..
February 2nd, 2002 at 8:37 am
English/ german. Hey I didnīt know that before.
February 2nd, 2002 at 8:53 am
lithuanian. american
here………..
Pieroghi for all!
Bleenies for all!
February 2nd, 2002 at 1:05 pm
Which month is Polish People Month??
Just wanna "be prepared"….
(I’m Polish)..
We all have a song to sing…
February 2nd, 2002 at 1:12 pm
yeah … and it’s: "In Heaven, there Is No Beer."
Hey, there’s enough of us here right now to hi–jack this whole thing and turn it into Polish month. Let’s go –
"…that’s why we drink it here.
And when we’re gone from here,
our friends willbe drinking all the beer."
How did you like that, Brooksie?
February 2nd, 2002 at 1:26 pm
Ok… well, I thought we had March 6th, slated for "Ann Margaret lookalike cutie day"… maybe we can pencil in March–December as "Let’s get drunk ‘cuz we’re all Europeans"… cool… consider it done!
I really think "Black History Month" needs to be a 31–day month anyway.
February 2nd, 2002 at 7:31 pm
Can I please say Livin’ La Vida Loca is NOT a good representation of Latin music?! OKay, I had my say.
February 3rd, 2002 at 11:55 pm
I myself prefer to be called a green eyed devil. White person sounds so…blank. As does WASP. Bleh.
Wait Bob, it’s not that there’s no beer – it’s "in Heaven there is no last call!" Big difference!