WTF Radio has issued a blog challenge: Blog about men vs. Women, Relationships, or Hormones.
You may find this hard to believe, but I… Eric Brooks; CyberGod and Web Pioneer, happen to suffer from *VERY* low self esteem issues. (NAW, REALLY?)
It’s true. Despite the facade and the smooth online persona, I generally think I’m lower than dirt, uglier than sin, and have absolutely nothing to offer. Especially when it comes to women and the dating field.
Most of my life, I’ve shot pretty low. I’ve had friends ridicule me mercilessly over girls I’ve dated… asking me if I “felt sorry for them”. I don’t take compliments well, and for anyone to say I was good looking, I didn’t believe them. I just personally don’t see it.
So being the insecure, loser that I am… I reasoned in my head that unattractive girls were a safe bet. The uglier and fatter, the better! No one will want her and I will have her all to myself.
BZZZZZT! Big mistake.
See here’s why.
Attractive girls are hit on constantly. They are complimented, and flirted with all day/every day, by every sleazeball imaginable. Some of it makes them smile and gives them an ego boost. Some of it makes them want to go home and take a long, hot shower with lye (although it’s still flattering).
They’re used to it. They know this attraction to them is for nothing more than having a pretty face and a hot body. If they have a confident man in Love with them at home that sees so much more to her than just her appearance, then their guy has nothing to worry about.
In fact…
Attractive Woman + Ego Boost = YOU’RE GETTING LUCKY TONIGHT!!!
Now Plain Janes and Porkettes? Well they don’t have the benefit of that kind of experience, do they? A flirt every 17 months is like like handing a starving girl a piece of cake…
OM NOM NOM NOM!
It will go right to her head and she will want to reward this guy with sex immediately for being the only other guy on the planet that knows she’s alive…
Unattractive Woman + Ego Boost = HEARTBREAK!!!
And if you think your self esteem was low before? Well, imagine dealing with the knowledge your girl just cheated on you some Skeevoid who makes Larry the Cable Guy look like Fabio! 🙁
Had I known this years ago… I would have been much more of a shallow bastard and felt better about myself. I have been crippled over and over. A pretty girl will never break your heart.
Don’t give Ugly Women a Chance to Hurt You!!!! They LIVE for it!!!!
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Men vs. Women – Dialogue
Now, it’s not that I don’t like women. Frankly I just don’t understand them. Everything is a loaded question. We need to take an extra half hour to answer even the most basic remark, because frankly, we’re not quite sure what she is REALLY trying to say.
For example, a man says “I’m hungry“… well that means he’s hungry. Simple, right?
A woman asking “How was your day?” can mean anything from “Did you even TRY to look for a job today, ASSHOLE?” to “You were banging that redhead with the huge tits on your lunch break again, weren’t you, YOU CHEATING BASTARD!!!”
*facepalm*
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The Myth of the Toilet Seat – Now I have seen this many times in “man bashing” blogs, and it gives me a laugh every time.
Think about it. How many times have you heard of a bunch of guys living together and one of them falling through the toilet because the seat was left up?
Never.
Why? Because men DO put the toilet seat down. There is a 50% chance that we will need the seat down too. It is a myth.
We do this to be spiteful. We get our shots in where we can. 😀
Next time you find your butt splashing around in ice cold water, ladies… ask yourself the following questions:
– “Did I burn the roast again?”
– “Did I give him yet another lame excuse to get out of having sex with him?”
– “Did I do that ‘How was your day?’ trick on him again?”
Doesn’t seem like much of a coincidence now, does it?
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Arguing with a woman – Oh Jesus, haven’t you learned yet??? Here. I have prepared a simple graphic:
Yep. It’s just like blowjobs. Enjoy them while you’re dating, fellas…
… because after she says “I DO”… SHE WONT! Trust me on this.
If a man is alone in the woods, and there is no woman around to hear him… is he still wrong? (George Carlin)
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Eric Brooks
Musician, Programmer, Graphic Designer, Evil Clown - A thorn in the Internet's side since 1997 with no intention of stopping any time soon.
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