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SoApBoX Archives
Low-tech whining in cyberspace…

Billy The Kid rides again

November 30th, 2003

An interesting article caught my eye tonight:
Billy the Kid gets a lawyer - 122 years after shootout, attorney to gather information for a pardon

Well, like any good Generation X’er, of COURSE I saw Young Guns I & II. They rocked! What was unknown to me, until this article, that there’s been this heated debate down in New Mexico since the summer to exhume his remains (as well as his mother’s) for DNA testing to determine if he was indeed William H. Bonney and gunned down by Pat Garrett as legend claims.

Among the many people vehemently opposed to this is the Billy The Kid Historic Preservation Society.

We all love a good “anti-hero”. We love it even more when they get away and thumb their nose at society and go to that la-la land where we sent Elvis, Bruce Lee, Jim Morrison and every other legend when we can’t accept their deaths.
Read the rest of this entry »

The vast center wing conspiracy

November 28th, 2003

One thing I really pride myself on, in the fact that I’ve gotten smacked down by both sides of the political spectrum.

Bleeding Heart Liberals make me puke.
Brownshirt Neo Conservatives make me laugh.

To me, they’re both the same. They’re unrealistically extreme. Detatched from any form of reality that I know of. They want to hang a label on you if you disagree with them. They hang on their party’s core beliefs even when it’s clear as day that they’re wrong in a particular issue.

They try to silence you rather than address the issue you brought up.

I’ve heard arguments that the President is not to blame for the current economic conditions, yet we all can look on the Carter years with disgust for the same reasons.

Can’t we all just agree that some people just sucked as Presidents?

I liked Reagan *AND* I liked Clinton. I believe a large portion of their success was the fact that they had a legistlative branch which was dominated by a different party to answer to.

Balance, people.
Do you see the point I’m driving at?
Read the rest of this entry »

2Tag: Murdered by poachers

November 24th, 2003

We always prepare ourselves when hunting season begins every year. Prepared for the inevitability when 2-Tag would never come back home again.

Baby cubs, two summers agoHe was named 2-Tag when he was a frightened little cub two years ago, separated from his mommy and caught in a bear trap. When the game warden tagged him, he didn’t realize he was already tagged in the other ear.

He was sent off several times deep into the woods hundreds of miles away. He always made his way back home. Where he belongs.

He stayed here with us in the community as our playful 300 lb “problem child”, terrorizing the dumpsters every morning looking for breakfast.
Read the rest of this entry »

Last night at Tamiment

November 16th, 2003
The Reception hall

Last night the Tribe called Brooks attended a rather fancy soiree here in the community. It was a little over the top for a “Sweet 16″ party for my taste… but it was very nice, elegant, and well worth the million-billion dollars it cost to pull it off.

But that’s not what this post is about.
Read the rest of this entry »

Murdering cranky neighbors now legal in Galveston

November 11th, 2003

Durst not guilty in neighbor’s murder

I knew something was up when the jurors were taking too long to deliberate.

Sure he admitted to killing Morris Black, and chopping up his body in a blind panic…

Obviously this was a case of a very cocky prosecutor’s office, who was sure they were getting him on 1st degree murder and didn’t bother charging him with anything else.

Johnny Cochran, Robert Shapiro and O.J. Simpson were unavailable for comment at the time of this post.

However, with the strange dissappearance of his wife in 1982, and being a suspect of two murders in California… I somehow don’t think we’ll be hearing the last of Robert Durst.

God, I hope he doesn’t move to the Poconos.
I sleep with one eye open as it is.

Not MY child!!!!

November 6th, 2003

SoApBoX
It’s been a while since I’ve commented on any web-skirmishes (no I haven’t missed any, I just chose to avoid them like the plague. Most of them were stupid, and a waste of my time anyway.).

I thought I’ve read it all on the web, but this load of horseshit definitely takes the cake:

“No, I do not condone punching kids or hitting them with belts, paddles, sticks, switches, kicking them, pulling their hair, etc.

But a slap across the face or their ass…you betcha! I don’t care who it is! The discipline does not just need to come from the parent. Remember the paddle in the principle’s office?”

Responses from the web:

  • Electric Venom - I think Kate took the post as meaning “parents not disciplining THEIR kids, is making social miscreants”. To that, I’d have to agree. I doubt highly she’d tell anyone “Sure, hit my kid… that’s ok! Sock ‘em one for not making their bed this morning, while you’re at it!”

    In fact, I can’t think of a single parent that would say anything like that.

  • Meryl Yourish - “No matter what your opinions on hitting children, when a person who is not the child’s parent hits him, it’s illegal and just plain wrong. (And by the way, Serenity? No way do I want you near a child of mine, not with that attitude…)”

    Yeah, Meryl has hit the point that Bhoomi, Glenn, and I have found very disturbing in this post. While you’re at it Valerie, can you stay away from my kids too?

  • Valerie’s response to Meryl: “[update] Btw: Yourish nice attitude. You obviously missed my entire point. I didn’t say ANYONE can smack a kid”

    Let’s roll the videotape…

    “But a slap across the face or their ass…you betcha! I don’t care who it is! The discipline does not just need to come from the parent.

    Uhm… yeah, you DID say that.
    By the way, it’s “PRINCIPAL‘S office” not “PRINCIPLE’s office”
    (Which end of you did they use that paddle on, Valerie? Just curious.)

  • Seeing as how Glenn was made an example of in the comments by a bunch of bitter, obviously-childless, people (who found the word “penis” offensive, yet they used variations of the word “fuck” at least 12 times to get their points across on this page… go figure!), you’d have to be out of your mind to post an opposing opinion in there. So I’ll say it here:

    “Oh I can hear it now from the peanut gallery. ‘No one has the right to back hand my child…..if someone ever did that to MY kid I’d have their ASS!’ …”

    Oh no. I wouldn’t say that at all. What I would say is:
    If someone lays one finger on any of my children. I will fuck them up.
    Just so we’re clear on this in the event of any future discussions on this topic.

    Doesn’t matter if you’re big or small. If you’re bigger than me, I’ll use a baseball bat. If you’re smaller than me, it’ll probably hurt more. If you’re exactly my size, I’ll probably use a baseball bat, just so you’ll hurt as much as if you were smaller than me. I fight dirty, so wear “ball protectors” when you see me coming.

    I will teach you that hitting is wrong, by beating you to a pulp.
    Any questions?

    No. I am not particularly thrilled with the current laws, created by a bunch of hysterical liberals, that curtail parents from disciplining their children, nor do I agree with them 100%. I have learned, however, that a little reasoning does go a long way with my kids. I know my kids aren’t saints. I know their flaws and I know their strengths. I know they can be royal pains in the asses sometimes. Reversing the situation with “How would YOU feel if that was done to you?” or “Would YOU like it if the cat stuck a fork through YOUR stomach?” usually breaks them from a lot of their annoying practices. Of course, my kids are probably a lot more intelligent than your hellspawn, I’ll give you that.

    As this is the “house where all the kids come to play”, and like to call my wife and I, “mom & dad”, they also have many obnoxious friends. Yet, somehow, the thought of me smacking any them has never crossed my mind. For starters, they’re not mine to do it to. I go to their parents.

    If their response is: “My child would NEVER DO THAT!”…

    Then I threaten to punch their mom or dad in the mouth.
    If you ask me, that’s where you’re doing society the favor.
    “Not MY child” types are the ones who need to be hit with a clue-by-four.

    What was even more disturbing was the cattle call of “Right ons!” and “Hell Yeahs” in the comments of that post from the folks who all have a history of giving me a migrane when I read their blogs. You know, deep thinkers who can solve the Middle East crisis with genocide, object to their tax money paying to give American kids breakfast (yet a $70 billion+ quagmire in Iraq is no problem), or curing my headache with .44 caliber aspirin.

    Most memorable quote:

    “Kids today need a good beating every now and then. If you don’t beat your kids when they fall out of line, the next thing you know your son will go off and bang some dude in the ass just out of spite.”

    Oh wait… that was Maddox and his spoof about child abuse. He was being funny. Quite scarily, these folks are saying the same thing and are dead serious.

    My mom hit me maybe once in my whole life, usually she just had to talk to me the way I talk to my kids now. Of course, I realize I was a superior child, as many of you were probably hellspawn.

    I’m not sure how old Valerie is that she could be sent to the “principle’s office” for a paddle, but I went to public school in Brooklyn from 1970-1983, and teachers weren’t allowed to hit us back then.

    Last I checked, hitting a minor was against the law.

    EricBrooks.Com® - Yes, by all means, beat your kids (and everyone else’s) to make them upstanding citizens. It worked wonders for Jeffrey Dahmer, folks who grew up to abuse their children, and a bevy of other serial killers and child molesters, didn’t it?

    *Note - I found out a day later, the author of that poorly-written drivel’s name is Valerie, not Trish… but calling her Trish pisses her off for some reason, so I’m leaving it. Hee! Hee!

    ** On second thought 11/21/03 - The REAL Serenity has shown up, and while it’s been real fun (and it seems many people have made the same case of mistaken identity with this half-witted wannabe), it’s not right to insult the real Trish like this… therefore I’m switching it all back to “Valerie”, that moron’s real name. And my sincerest apologies to Trish.

    Election aftermath

    November 5th, 2003

    Ahh… the people have spoken.

    And they are truly idiots.
    However, it’s all about choice. That’s what makes America great, right?
    Even if dark days, a lot of despair, doom & gloom are ahead of us. And you just gave the enemies the keys to the kingdom. Hey, that’s cool.

    You did your civic duty and got out there to vote, and I’m damn proud of you.
    Read the rest of this entry »

    The Rat Bastard factor

    November 3rd, 2003

    SoApBoXAhhh… it’s election time.
    (Yes, for those of you fruity flag-waving patriotic nuts that only tuned in to world events and politics in the past two years… it happens more than every four years, you know.)

    You can always tell the Democrats from the Republican candidates. The Republicans hand out candy and toys to the kids, while the Democrats hand out pencils and emery boards.

    EMERY BOARDS??!!???

    I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to throw my hat in the political arena. I have to run for something. I just have no idea what. And I’m sure no major party would be insane enough to have me on board. But I need to show these people how it’s done.

    You see, it’s not about the issues. Nobody gives a flying fuck about “the issues”. Most people don’t even know what “the issues” even are! You’re gonna take care of it. That’s all they need to know.

    You tell everyone you’ll never raise their taxes, and make sure your name is etched on everyone’s brain when they get to the voting booth… and you’re IN LIKE FLYNN.

    Simple.

    Some sure fire ways to do that is:
    * Pass out rolls of toilet paper with your opponent’s name printed on it. (Do I really need to explain that one?)
    * Screw emery boards. If you’re going to give out something to get the female vote, make it something they can really use… TAMPONS

    I’ll have my name on it too. Embossed with raised letters in ALL CAPS on the top of every applicator.

    Win or lose, I’ll have something to brag about for years to come.

    < ?include("http://www.ericbrooks.com/soapbox/spoofads/random.php");?>

    * For the male (and even more female) votes… I would blow most of the campaign money in bars buying everyone drinks. HOW COULD YOU NOT VOTE FOR ME AFTER THAT???

    * At debates and forums, dance over “the issues” in your rebuttal by saying “Well at least I didn’t… [insert things your private detective dug up about your opponent here]…”. Counter his boring proposal chart with a huge photo of him done up as a clown, or better yet, Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz.

    NOTE: While humiliation and mudslinging is important in every campaign (not to mention my fort�), this can backfire as you want people to remember *YOU* at the polls, not the sap who was stupid enough to oppose you. Moderation and self-control is your friend.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
    I’m very nervously watching the judge’s race this year. Primarily, it will handle family court (custody cases, child welfare, etc.). I’m not going to name names, but it’s one of those “OH NO! NOT HIM!! ANYONE BUT HIM!!!” kind of races. In light of recent events, I probably shouldn’t even be writing this post.

    It kind of cracks me up to read on another candidate’s site where he lists charts based on experience, qualifications and integrity. On the “integrity” one, Mr. “prosecutorial misconduct” scored so low, I wondered why there wasn’t a “rat bastard” level on the chart.

    Well, no matter what, I can thank God I no longer live in that county. If the aforementioned candidate gets on the bench, and CP$ is knocking on your door…

    …you may as well pack your kids stuff, kiss them goodbye, and prepare them for a life of physical and sexual abuse in foster care now.

    That candidate has the best chance of winning, by the way.

    Tuesday will settle my theory, once and for all, that “there’s no such thing as bad press.”

    Jennifer Wise*sigh*

    EricBrooks.Com� - Who STILL thinks Jennifer Wise would look REALLY HOT in a judge’s robe. What do you think?



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