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Low-tech whining in cyberspace…

Without me (-e- remix)

December 31st, 2002

* The vote was “Blaze of Glory”, wasn’t it? * so…
I feel like kicking off the New Years party a little early.
This onez goin’ out to my homegirl, Mollie… and my man, Farid….
CUZ BROOKLYN’Z IN DA HOUUUUUUUUSE!!!!!!!!!

*Walks to turn tables*

*ZOOOGA-ZOOGA-ZOOGA-ZOOOGA!!!* < ~~ (click the link to play the music!)

Erox: The -e- Show[Intro]
Two blogrolling girls go round the outside;
round the outside, round the outside
*scratches*
Two blogrolling girls go round the outside;
round the outside, round the outside
*scratches*

Guess who’s back
Back again
-e- is back
Tell a friend
Guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back

guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back.. {*Eminem hums*}

... now this looks like a job for me...
[Verse 1: Eminem]
I’ve created a monster, cause nobody wants to see Eric no more
They want -e-, I’m chopped liver (huh?)
Well if you want The Enemy, this is what I’ll give ya
A little bit of wit mixed with some hard coding
Some MT that’ll jump start my site loading
than a shock when I get shocked at the hospital
by the doctor when I’m not co-operating
When I’m rockin the table while he’s operatin (hey!!)
You waited this long, now stop debating

Cause I’m back, I’m on the rag and ovu-lating
I know that you got a blog Ms. kd
but your Surreally site is complicating

So Zeldman’s friends won’t let me be
or let me be me, so let me see
They try to shut me down on MeFi’s screen
But blogland’s boring without me
So, come on and dip, rum on your lips
Fuck that, cum on your lips, and some on your tits
And get ready, cause this shit’s about to get cra-zayyy
I just settled all my lawsuits,
FUCK YOU, PA!

[Chorus: -e-]
Now this looks like a job for me
So everybody, just link to me
Cause we need a little, controversy
Cause the web’s so boring without me
I said this looks like a job for me
So everybody, just link to me
Cause we need a little, controversy
CAUSE THE WEB’S SO BORING WITHOUT ME

Marshall, Dre & Moi[Verse 2: Eminem]
Raizin’ Hellions, Miz Kitty’s rebellious
Embarrassed their parents still readin’ the A-List
They start feelin like prisoners helpless
’til someone comes along on a mission and yells DICK!!!

A visionary, vision of scary
Could start a revolution, pollutin the airwaves
A rebel, so just let me revel and bask
in the fact that I got everyone kissin my ass {*smak*}
And it’s a disaster, such a castastrophe
for you to see so damn much of Dawn’s ass; you asked for me?
Well I’m back, na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na
{*bzzt*} Fix your damn comments tune it in and then I’m gonna
enter in, in the front of your skin like a splinter

The center of attention, back for the winter
Erox: The -e- ShowI’m interesting, the best thing since ranting
What’s brewin’? ‘Round the bend, panting
{*bzzt*} Testing, attention please
Feel the tension, soon as someone mentions SLEAZE
Here’s my ten cents, my two cents is free
TRACKBACK, PINGBACK? YOU SENT FOR ME?

[Chorus: Obie]
Now this looks like a job for me
So everybody, just link to me
Cause we need a little, controversy
Cause the web’s so boring without me
I said this looks like a job for me
So everybody, just link to me
Cause we need a little, controversy
CAUSE THE WEB’S SO BORING WITHOUT ME

Up, Up, & away![Verse 3: Dre]
A-tisket a-tasket, I go tit for tat with
anybody who’s talkin this shit, that shit
Wil Wheaton, you’re due for a beat-in’
worse than them little MeFi cretins
And Godzilla? You can get stomped by Davezilla
You 90-year-old slant-eyed sil-ly sill-az!
You don’t know me, you’re too old, we resist
It’s over, nobody listens to your cease-and-desist
Now let’s go, let’s see the results
I’ll be there with a whole list full of new insults
I been dope, a linkwhore with a keyboard
you even stare as I polish my new sword {*knife slices*}
But sometimes the shit just seems
everybody only wants to discuss me
So this must mean I’m dis-gus-ting
But it’s just me, I’m just obscene

No I’m not the first king of controversy
I am the worst thing since reading Hoopty
to do mad blogging so skill-fully
and used it to make people ill for me
(Hey!!) There’s a concept that works
Twenty million other blog-gy bloggers emerge
But no matter how many fish in the sea
IT WOULD BE SO BORING WITHOUT ME!

Courtesy of Pegasong[Chorus: Eminem, -e-, Obie, & Dre]
Now this looks like a job for me
So everybody, just link to me
Cause we need a little, controversy
Cause the web’s so boring without me
I said this looks like a job for me
So everybody, just link to me
Cause we need a little, controversy
CAUSE THE WEB’S SO BORING WITHOUT ME

{*Eminem sings this twice:
Chem-hie-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la

La-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la“*}

[Eminem] Kids!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
HAPPY NEW YEAR, Y’ALL!!!!
Love,
-e-
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Up down in and out (Girl, you know what it’s about!)

December 22nd, 2002

I’m too old (and the wrong sex) to be a “Skeemer”, right?
Hey, have any of you guys ever heard of The Grand Skeem?

It’s a band out of NYC, I know they have a MASSIVE following in the NY/PA/NJ area, and they get a lot of airplay here. I’m trying to figure out if they caught on in the rest of the country. The Grand Skeem

We caught them Friday night at Fernwood for a charity show they put on for underpriviledged kids & a local hospice. These guys put on one hell of a show! The best comparison I can make for them would be a cross between The Beastie Boys and Red Hot Chili Peppers. Kind of a hard-rock/hip hop mix.

Anarchtica is like their second home, as they filmed their “Baby Got Back” video at Fernwood. Then premiered it before MTV showed it at the Stroud Mall.

Talented as hell, and really nice guys too… they’re gonna be big.

So here ya go…

On Sale in stores now!
On sale in stores NOW!
Buy it at Amazon.Com

It’s Party Time 

[RealAudio] |  [MP3]

In-N-Out 

[RealAudio] |  [MP3]

Baby Got Back 

[RealAudio] |  [MP3]

Shorti 

[RealAudio] |  [MP3]

-e- piphany

December 17th, 2002

“I love a few, like a few more, but hate many. I am not your best friend just because I relate. I am good at relating, but I am not so good at accepting everything I read. It’s just not me. Is it you, really?”
~ Ångel ~

“While weblogs are essentially a good thing, I feel like it put a lot more people, maybe too many people, on common ground. I think this is the first time that’s ever really happened on the ‘Net… I just cannot say I don’t miss the old days, when things were simpler because the scope was smaller, because I do miss them very much. “
~ Ångel (again) ~

I’d love nothing more right now to accuse Angel of flat-out PLAGIARISM for these two posts. They’re word-for-word straight out of my thoughts. Stuff that’s been in my heart for months, maybe years… only, they ARE her words. She managed to articulate this better than I ever could, and got it out first.

You have to understand first, that the Web that Angel and I (and quite a few of you) knew is a different one from the one we’re in now. Back then, you had larger-than-life “Web Celebs”: Zeldman, Powazek, Kottke, Miz Kitty, Halcyon, Heather Champ, Lance Arthur, Glenn Davis… you aspired to be like them. You stole bits and pieces of their source code to learn “how they did it”.

And here’s where I piss everyone off.
(Let me say in advance, “Fuck you” if you can’t take my brutal honesty.)
Then weblogs came and fucked it all up.
Then, when you thought it couldn’t get worse… Slashdot and MetaFilter fucked it even more.
Read the rest of this entry »

There’s no such thing as… WHO???

December 5th, 2002

Dear -e-

I am in third grade.
Robby (who sits behind me in school) says there is no Santa Claus. This ruined my holiday, and I want him dead in the worst way. He says it is my parents buyeing the gifts and pretending it is from Santa.

Is this true? Is there really no Santa Claus?

Cindy P.      
Roanoke, Virginia
     


Dear Cindy:
Why do you listen to that jerk in your class, anyway? Isn’t this the same kid who said “Babies come from a cabbage patch”????

A few years back, my daughter was your age, and she came home crying because some trailer-trash-welfare-recipient kid told her the same damn thing… I looked her right in the eyes and told her:

“There IS a Santa Claus”.

To this day, I have NEVER lied to my kids.

Read the rest of this entry »



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Disclaimer: The views expressed herein are solely those of Eric Brooks. They do not necessarily reflect those of his employers, friends, contacts, family, or even his pets (though my cat, Puddy, seems to agree with me on many key issues.). In accordance to my terms of use, you hereby acknowledge my right to psychoanalyze you, practice accupuncture, and mock you incessantly with every visit. As the user, you also acknowledge that the author has been legally declared a "Problem Adult" by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and is therefore not responsible for any of his actions.

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